When life gives you lemons

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…make an Infused Yogurt Lemon Pound Cake!

The last four months have been very trying, to say the least!

In December 2017, for a little over a week, I thought I had the flu. After EMTs picked me up off of my bathroom floor and delivered me to the ER, the doctor there explained that I had a massive blood clot in the right lung. There were a few mini ones on the left side but, the Mothership, SS Deep Vein Thrombosis, was in my left thigh! I was septic to boot! Not even close to having the flu! I was told that had I waited another day, I would have died.

Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt!

With my heart rate in the 150-160 beats per minute range, my next stop was the telemetry unit. I needed serious heart monitoring. But, you couldn’t tell me that!

As I struggled the two feet to climb back in my bed after using the bedside commode, my roommate’s nurse walked in. She asked if I needed anything or did I need her to call my nurse.

Me: (breathing rather heavily) Oh, no! You guys have some very sick people here. I’m okay!

Her: (quickly whipping her entire body around to fully face my dumb ass) Ummmm! You are one of those people!

Mic drop! Denial destroyed!

My next eight days were spent in the ICU!

The details of that adventure are simultaneously scary, tedious, amazing, thought provoking and also, not relevant to a story about cake. So, I will fast forward to March 2018.

You Have Got to Be Effin’ Kidding Me!

The doctor who saw the accident and waited with me until the ambulance arrived was very kind!

The police and paramedics chided me on having the nerve to wear Raiders gear in Bronco country! They were trying to distract me from the pain of two fractured bones tenting under the skin of my forearm!

I took the brunt of the 4 car crash. I was hit hard enough to hit the van in front of me. That impact forced that van into the car in front of him. The airbag broke my arm since I still hold the steering wheel at ten and two like I was taught in school. I think the new protocol is 4 and 7. Who knows?

I got a lot of drugs in the ER! The best and worse was the Ketamine! When the doctor has sit and talk to you like you’re a small child to help you mentally prepare for this effed up trip he’s about to put you on, it can’t be good!

It could have been the Ketamine but the radiology tech seemed like an android first learning to express human emotion.  She was weird! Like Pink Floyd’s, The Wall weird!

Despite all of that, I’m okay! The fact that I can type this blog entry with my dominant right hand is the reason for this cake. A reason to celebrate! But, I had to make pit stop first.

The other morning I woke up early, hit the button on the coffeemaker and prepared for a sweet session of self-pity!

As I sipped on my mug of Oh!-Woe-Is-Me, my mind accidentally/on purpose tripped over thoughts of inspirational people I revere, ancestors included. All of them had more than broken bones to contend with.

For whatever reason, I grabbed my phone and just stared scrolling slot machine fast. When the page landed, it was a sponsored ad for a grass fed, dairy yogurt with an attached recipe for a lemon poppy seed pound cake. I wouldn’t normally get excited about poppy seed anything, but the use of yogurt in the cake, the lemon soak and its lemon glaze made me salivated! A celebration of tangy citrus flavor! Yes, please!

That’s when it hit me! When life gives you lemons…make Infused Yogurt Lemon Pound Cake!

Forced to acknowledge all of the beautiful resources and inner strength I had, I hatched a plan to make this cake, write this blog and get my cookie-brown ass off of the pity pot and get business done!

I’ve been waiting for a lemon cake recipe to come along that will meet or surpass the lemon bread at Starbucks. Yes, I love it that much! This recipe is it! Granted Starbuck’s icing is thicker, I can correct for this. But this recipe gives you a lemon soak! Say whaaaat?! This soak gives you that decadent, delicious, wrong-on-so-many-levels, soggy bottom that you have to eat with your finger! Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!

I recruited my husband’s hands for this mission! We had a test run a week earlier when we made pancakes and a homemade orange sauce together. I did have to stop him from beating the batter like he was mad at it! He was about to make paste! Other than that it was pretty sweet! I felt confident we could handle it! I couldn’t wait to see him handle the microplane, though!

I tried to stay pretty true to the original recipe, https://www.rootstock.coop/recipe/grassmilk-yogurt-lemon-poppy-seed-pound-caked. I did fudged a little on the amount of zest I used in the glaze. I may have added a pinch or two extra just for esthetics. I mean, if you’re going to use zest, show it off!

Also, I forgot to buy vanilla yogurt for the glaze, so I used the plain. I must say that I liked the tart against the sweetness.

I do wonder how switching to lemon yogurt and adding double or triple the amount of zest would change this recipe? I’m all about that lemon zest!  Betcha I’m gonna to find out!

And, as if I needed another reason to make this cake, I choose a nice body high over too much opiate medication!

This recipe makes two loaves. I planned to slice each loaf into 8 servings, so when calculating my dosage per slice, I used a total of 16 servings. I wanted a higher than usual dose given my situation, without the couch lock.

The strain I used was an Indica with a tested THC potency of 18%. I extracting an eighth, 3.5 grams, into one stick of butter.

3.5grams x 180 = 630mg available

630mg x .7 = 441mg into my butter

55mg per tablespoon/ 18mg per teaspoon

189mg of THC left in the puck

This recipe requires 18 tablespoon of butter. That’s less than the 32 in a traditional pound cake. Can this be called diet?

I used my entire half cup of infused butter, all 441mg. t!

 

I covered and stored them in the refrigerator because of the yogurt glaze. The cake became dense and the lemon had mellowed. Neither my husband nor I could taste cannabis.

Using the leftover puck, I will make two loaves of Pineapple Banana Bread.  Cutting 16 slices, I will get a mellow 12mg per slice. Or, maybe one loaf with 24mg per slice!  Insert evil laugh here!

Infused Yogurt Lemon Pound Cake

Pound Cake:

Lemon Soak

Lemon Yogurt Glaze

Servings: Two loaves, 8 slices per loaf

Pound Cake Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour two loaf pans.
  2. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl and set aside.
  3. Stir together the yogurt, sugar, eggs, lemon zest, and vanilla extract. Stir in the dry ingredients until it is mostly combined, then pour in the melted butters and stir until smooth.
  4. Pour into the two prepared loaf pans and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 45-50 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing the cakes from the pan and placing them on a cooling rack.

Lemon Soak Directions:

  1. While the cake is baking, simmer the lemon juice and sugar together until the sugar dissolves. Allow to cool.
  2. Place the cooling rack with the cakes over a cookie sheet. Use a spoon to gently drizzle the lemon soak over the top and sides of the cake. Allow the cake to cool completely.

 

Lemon Yogurt Glaze Directions:

  1. Combine the ingredients for the lemon glaze and stir until smooth. Add additional powdered sugar if needed to reach your desired sweetness and consistency. Drizzle over the cooled cakes.

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